I was doing a Magic of Making Up review is covered a lot of gold nuggets on relationships. One of the nuggets is why do men cheat. If you listen to pop culture, you would think that men cheat for sex. While this may be true for some men, a study done by a marriage counselor M Gary Neuman found that only 8% of cheaters contributed it to sexual dissatisfaction. In addition, just 12% said the mistress was better looking than their wife. So if it is not for sex, why are men unfaithful?
In order to know why do men cheat it to know what men want in a relationship. If they are not getting this, they will sooner or later start to seek it from someone else. However, if you give men what they unknowing want in a relationship, the chances of them cheating decreases significantly.
The number one thing men crave it is admiration. Along with admiration men need to know they are wanted. Men do want to please their wife. As long as their wife responds with admiration, men feel like they can win. It is when the wife doesn't respond with at least some appreciation that men feel like they can't win.
Since they were young, men have been trained that winning and accomplishing is part of being a man. Just like in sports, men will watch their favorite team as long as they feel like they can win. When men do something for their wife, but they are meet with criticism about not doing it right, men feel like they can't win. When this happens enough men will complain about being nagged to death.
The nagging is not the problem. It is the fact that their wife is conveying that she is not satisfied with who he is and what he has to offer. This is enough to drive men to check out of the relationship or even worse, cheat.
The doesn't mean that the wife should never express her true feelings. Since men are more insecure than they let one, it is best to share the true feelings balanced with admiration and love. It also makes it more likely that he will actually hear and pay attention to the wife's true feelings.
What should you do if you suspect your man is having an affair?
Affairs do not happen quickly. In fact, of the men who cheat, they knew the other woman for over a month before they had an affair with them. Only 6% had sex the same day or night that they meet the other woman.
So you do have some time to see the warning signs before an affair occurs. The most common signs are he starts spending more time away from home (usually saying he has to work late), stops asking for sex, picks fights more, or avoids your calls.
If you suspect that your man is cheating, you will have to confront him about his cheating. However, if you confront him as soon as you suspect that he is cheating, he will most likely deny it, and it may lead to a big argument. The first thing to do is to take control of what you have control over, your behavior.
Since you now know what men want in a relationship, start showing him admiration, and that you want him by initiating sex more. While you are doing this, it is very important to be very honest with him about what is going on between the both of you (this should be done without mentioning any third party). You can start by expressing to him that you think your relationship is starting to lose something important, and that you don't want it to disappear.
If he is having an affair and admits to it, ends the relationship with the other woman, and the two of you want to work it out, this is progress and communication will be the key to saving your marriage. At this point, you may also want to consider going to a marriage counselor to help you through this difficult time.
If he is not having an affair, then your relationship with him will become stronger and more fulfilling. He will open up more with you and all the signs that lead you to suspect him cheating with disappear.
If he denies he is having an affair, but you find out through a trustworthy third party source that he is having an affair, or he is indifferent towards you showing him admiration and wanting him. Then you should separate and take a break from the relationship. This could be known as the nuclear option. This is not the end, but your opening move to saving your relationship. In The Magic of Making Up, TW Jackson takes you by the hand and walks you through the complete process of breaking up to reuniting with your ex. As you go through the process, you may discover that you want to move on. This is all about empowering you because it truly is your choice. You can do either if you follow the advice of TW Jackson.
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