Making love relationships work will challenge all your beliefs. To find where the problems are until it is too late. If you could change anything in your relationship, right now, what would it be? By finding the answer to this question, you will be able to strengthen the bond between yourself and your partner. Failing to answer this question will late to the destruction of your relationship. Don't let this happen to you!
Find out where your relationship has problems, starting today. One way you can do this is to write down every problem in your relationship. Don't focus on who is to blame, or responsibility for the problem just yet. Simply write them down and see where the problems are.
Once you both have your list, sit down together. Try to keep it light and discuss openly your opinions and ideas. This can be hard, especially when communication is probably on your list.
You need to have an emotional detachment from the problem in order for this work. This will be extremely difficult to achieve. Chances are you're already emotionally involved in the problems. That is okay. It is normal to the deeply emotional about these problems.
However, if you want to save your relationship, you need to begin somewhere. Opening these lines of communication will strengthen the bond you have. You will find that it hurts in the beginning as you learn how to communicate with each other effectively. However, as you begin to understand each other, you will find that you become closer together.
Follow these tips when you sit down to talk:
Make sure you schedule the time for this conversation. Work together to come up with a good time for you to sit down and work through this exercise. Make sure you will not be interrupted. However, do not corner or trap your partner. Open communication cannot be forced. It needs to be the time both sit down and work together. Do not bring this up in the car while driving. Trapping your partner this way will cause more problems than it solves.
Be compassionate with your partner's feelings. You cannot command them or force them to work through this. Instead, bring it up in a gentle way to like to discuss where you are with your relationship. You'll both need some time to consider what you want to say. It would be a bad idea to just dive into this conversation without time to think about what you want to say. You should each come up with some recommendations on how to solve the problems that you are unhappy with. This will help to create a unified solution to the problems.
Distractions such as the TV, radio, phones, and children should all be removed before you begin this discussion. For example bringing up this discussion at the dinner table would be a really terrible idea. That would qualify as trapping your partner, and would probably ruin the meal for everyone. You need to have undivided attention for each other, and be in a position where you can create eye contact. Make sure you allow enough time to complete this discussion. It may take several hours.
Try to work together for a solution. However, if you cannot reach one, schedule yourself time to continue the conversation. Do not quit. You need to be willing to compromise. Remember, a marriage is a partnership. You have to be willing to work together to make it last. Do not go away from the conversation angry with each other. Reach a point where you can end amicably, even if you cannot reach a complete agreement in the discussion.
If you are proven wrong, take responsibility and commit to change. Remember to put aside your pride. If you cannot come to an agreement, you may need to seek outside the help. This could include a close friend, spiritual leader, or professional counselor. Good communication will not take care of every problem, but it will be the place to start.
Learn to Listen
Be wary of judgment or criticizing what your partner says. Listen to what they say in try to understand their point of view. Be willing to ask questions to clarify your understanding. However, ask questions in a way that explores the problem, and does not attack your partner.
Use this conversation to truly come to understand your partner. Rather than placing blame or arguing with your partner, take the time to discover how unique they really are. Ask probing questions to find out why they feel the way that they do. This will show that you truly care, and are willing to make such relationship work.
Talk openly and honestly, when it is your turn to talk
Taking time to learn to understand each other will help you to truly build a lasting love. You have to begin by developing Strong communication. Take time to explore the problems that you have with your relationship. Comment to understand what you each expect from each other. The following these tenants you can truly build a relationship that can withstand any storm that comes away.
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