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How to tell if Your Date is Lying
Home and Family Author: Cathy Taylor
How to tell if Your Date is Lying
People who tell the truth are consistent and congruent, and it stands to reason that one of the ways to tell if someone is lying is to look for incongruence in their words, actions and even body language.

Paul Eckman is the researcher behind a current TV series called "Lie to Me," that reveals what they call micro expressions that can be read in a person's face. When people try to conceal their emotions, a brief mili-second expression often occurs that is typically invisible unless you are trained to watch for them.  If you learn how to read these tiny flashes of expression, you are better able to recognize how another person is actually feeling. In most cases, this is information liars don't want you to have; but they often cannot do anything to conceal them because they happen sometimes even before a person knows they are about to act emotionally.

Developing this skill requires some visual acuity, but if you can get it, it is an invaluable tool in knowing when someone is not telling you the truth. A micro expression tells you that an emotion is being hidden, but it doesn't tell you why. It may be because the person is consciously concealing this emotion by choice, or it may be a result of repression in which case the person doesn't realize they are blocking this emotion. Asking questions of the person can usually determine which one of these responses you are getting.

Regarding body language, here are some of the clues to look for when someone is actually telling a lie. Often they will:
. touch their chin
. cover their mouth
. rub their eyebrow
. crossing arms and/or legs is a classic tactic
. their pupils narrow
. they start playing with their hair
. their facial expressions don't say the same thing that they body is
. they avoid eye contact
. they glance to the right or stare past you or down

When speaking, liars often:
. talk way to fast or unbearably slow
. they have changes in their voice pitch often
. want to take charge of the conversation to distract you
. always deny accusations
. they say "trust me" a lot
. they will use "um" or "you know" a lot in their conversation
. they can become extremely defensive very easily

Liar will often be hesitant in their attitudes and how they behave. Their laughter is often nervous and they come across as extremely smug. Some liars will appear to be calm, in an uncommon kind of way. When you ask a liar a question, they can't help for provide loads of information and specifics - more than you need to know. And, of course, their stories are inconsistent. Their posture tends to slouch and they can be rigid or fidget a lot. It's easy for liars to sweat.

What you need to really know is that when you sense that something is not right, listen to it.

If you are dating online, listen closely to everything your date tells you. People tell you who they are quickly, you just need to be willing to hear it. Remember, they also tell you by what they don't say. It's always prudent to err on the side of caution and be sure to do a dating background check.
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