Do you want to win back her heart
? You can but know this. It
doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out, but the truth is:
men and women are DIFFERENT
and never the twain shall
There are fundamental differences in almost everything we do
and therein lies the problem. It is extremely important for you to
assess the relationship and address the things you need to change
about yourself before you can even try at a reconciliation. More
than likely, chances are that you were a contributor to the
breakup also. Like my mom always said, "It takes two to tango".
Although she used to say that when her children were arguing
and one feigned complete innocence in any wrong doing.
So what are these differences you ask? Usually what and how we
think and then how we go about acting on or solving the problem.
It is common for men to say that they just don't understand
women or what they want. On the other hand, women think men
are uncaring and void of any emotions. Hello people -
communicate! I think a major problem between the sexes is the
lack of proper discussions where feelings are expressed in truth.
My experience in life, and there have been many, is that women
often do not tell men how they are feeling or what they want.
They somehow assume men should "just know". I have two
words to say about that - stop it! Men are not mind readers.
Being a woman, I know how we work. Being a mother to four
sons, I have learned of their confusion about women first hand. If
you are working on getting back a girlfriend, realize there are
steps you must take.
Most likely your relationship dissolved over a period of time when
all those "little things" started adding up. Men are problem
solvers. They tend to think logically rather than emotionally and
therefore their solution is often based on what they deem to be a
simple remedy. Unfortunately for women it is not that easy. Is
anything ever that easy? Certainly not relationships. It is a whole
different ballgame if cheating was involved or if it was an abusive
relationship that caused the split. Trusting a person who has
cheated on you can be a huge stumbling block for some people. An
abusive relationship may make it impossible to win back her
If a separation has occurred, take time to evaluate the situation.
Do not hound your ex by calling, texting or visiting her workplace
or residence. This would only serve to irritate her which could
mean possibly a longer separation. Absence does indeed make the
heart grow fonder. There is absolute truth to that statement.
Make her miss you. While you are on this time out, you may want
to reflect on some issues about yourself. Do you tend to be selfish,
always putting your needs before hers? Are you a domineering
person? Can she count on you when you tell her you are going to
do something? Do you belittle her making her feel incompetent or
just plain bad about herself? Does jealousy play a large part in the
relationship? No one is without faults and if you can recognize
them, you will be able to change them. Take this time and use it
to your advantage.
It will serve you well to get out of the house. Being with friends is
very helpful to combat loneliness. Do not sit at home alone. It will
get back to her that you are out and about. Start working out as it
is very healing to the mind as well as the body.
After some time spent apart, not less than two weeks, try to get
in touch with her by phone or email. Do not show any signs of
being sad. Rather act upbeat and happy even if it is the best
acting job you have ever done. None of this "I miss you and want
to see you" stuff. The reason for this first contact is solely to find
out if she is receptive to conversing with you. Tell her you have
really been doing a lot of thinking and self examination. Tell her
the breakup has been cathartic. At this point, you can tell her that
you sincerely hope she is happy and doing well.
A phone call may be the better choice as often the reflection in
our voices can indicate our true feelings. You can tell a lot by her
voice alone. This may serve to work against you if you aren't fully
in control of your feelings. You have one call to make a good
impression - don't botch it. If you feel you will get emotional, then
email or text. Spend a few minutes talking on light subjects. Even
though it may be hard, discuss nothing about the breakup as this
may end badly stirring up past hurts and prove to her that a
separation was a good thing. Expect to have a short conversation.
You do not want to prolong this call by talking too long.
After at least another week, possibly two, you can make contact
again. You must always be upbeat and enthusiastic. Now would
be the time to tell her about the changes you have made in your
life. If she seems happy to hear from you, tell her that you think
about her and miss her smile and laughter. Essentially you will
have to leave the ball in her court if you are serious about getting your girlfriend back
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